I like hipsters. No wait, I love hipsters and often times wish I could pull off being a hipster by shopping at Urban Outfitters. Conceptually, buying a t-shirt that says “I got 99 problems but my cat ain’t one” would be really cool. Realistically, I would probably lose my family and friends if I wore that in public. Not to mention I am highly allergic to cats, so that would actually be a very itchy problem #irrelevant
Hipsters can get it very wrong sometimes, I mean they can’t be perfect ALL of the time! If you are a Hipster and reading this, start taking notes with your iWhatever:
- The male skinny jeans. These jeans show every man’s “Jon Ham” (if you know what I mean). Unless you actually look like Jon Hamm, ain’t nobody needs to see your crotch looking like a hologram. You skinny jean lovin’ men are giving away too much about your situation to the free world. The ladies like the mystery and also don’t like when you have a skinnier ass than us, so just wear normal pants, please.
- Music snobs. You don’t get a prize every time you say “I’ve been listening to that band for 5 years now”. It makes you look like a pretentious snob. Just continue to be the cool cucumber that you are and acknowledge the good music without being a prick.
- Hooded zip-up sweatshirts and Plaid shirts. You got this one right, congrats.
- Bathing Suits. Fellas (our number one offender), the short bathing suits gutta go, YIKES! I know you and the members of ZZ Top are proud of your svelte hairy legs, but i’m not impressed. Ladies, look at you, trying to bring back the polka dot high waist bathing suit. Sorry, but it only worked for Ali in the Notebook, and definitely did not work for Taylor Swift. Remember the time she wanted to wiggle her way into the Kennedy compound? #OhNoSheDidnt
- Lastly Hipsters, PLEASE STOP JUDGING ME!
To all my Hipsters out there, I truly do enjoy your coolness. Keep staying tech savvy and nostalgic at the same time. Keep drinking your Pabst Blue Ribbon while wearing your dark rimmed eye glasses. I am sure I will see you at the record store or the local Trader Joes (you organic sons of bitches). Until then, keep calm and hipster on!