Swim. Bike. Run. Die?

“I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.”
-Lucille Ball

Allow me to tell you a little story of the time I participated in a Triathlon* that I did not train for. A typical, normal, smart human being would sign up for Triathlon and AT THE VERY LEAST run a little, swim a little, and once ride a bike. Well…I ran a little, never swam and the bike was growing cobwebs in the garage.

I had intentions to train, it wasn’t like I thought:

“What would life be like if I didn’t train to swim a half mile, bike 12 miles and run 3.2 miles?”

Do you really think the guy who ate McDonald’s every day was doing it for fun? Hell no, he wanted to prove a point on how fast food kills people. I don’t need to make a point, it’s pretty clear that I WILL die if I don’t train for this damn Triathlon.

I did try to find time to train but it just interfered with my beach and Cape Codder drinking schedule. With less than two weeks to go, I realized this training business wasn’t happening much like me studying for finals (some things never change) but I was still going to do it, and possibly fail, again like finals. As the day approached, I was not nervous but very convinced I wasn’t partaking the swim part. The swim was in the ocean and I am afraid of seaweed and Jellyfish but then I thought, If Kim Kardashian can fake it til’ she makes it, so can I! I also do this thing when my subconscious tells me I can’t do something, I say “eff u motha-effaaa” (We keep it wicked PG here) and do it anyway.

Swim.
I have Dory from Finding Nemo to thank for this one. I kept saying to myself “Just keep swimming” over and over again until I was done. Although, at one point I did drink a gulp of salt water, at which time I started singing “Just keep from vomiting”.

On a serious note, this was a huge accomplishment of mine. I never thought I could do the swim since I almost drowned when I trained 2 years ago in a large scary pond. #Accomplished

Bike.
Now that I have used all of my leg energy in the swim, let’s ride a bike for 12 miles. Due to the success of the swim, I was all like “America… F— ya”, I was so pumped I didn’t care if a truck hit me. I rode through the streets of Cape Cod and swore at every rolling hill that came my way, but I kept trucking with a giant smile on my face! It wasn’t too long until I was close to finishing that I attempted to ride with no hands, that quickly became a bad idea and apparently still don’t got that from my childhood.

Run.
I thought I was going to nail this one since what is in motion stays in motion #Newton. I figured my legs would still be trying to cycle and I could move my legs for 3 miles, I was wrong. My legs turned to spaghetti in an instant. I could feel every ache and pain in every joint, even in parts I rather not say. I performed my own awkward version of the couch to 5k and ran to the first telephone pole 20 yards away and then walked the next mile and so on and so forth.

Die.
Well I didn’t die. Did I come in first place? Nope. Did I come in last? Absolutely. Do I regret it? Never.

*I do not recommend participating in a Triathlon with out training but try it if you want! I also do not recommend eating a donut before a Triathlon.

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