June 22 – Facebump
Thought of the Day – Why do people feel the need to post weekly photos updates of their baby bumps?
@chattyawkward’s reaction to the royal baby “The royal baby will be pooping gold!!”
This was not a one time thought. This is my thought every day. A continuous burning question I ask. Why, please, why does it even remotely seem like a great idea to post the progress of your ever growing boulder? I do not want to see your skin stretch. I rather see Miley Cryus molest a wrecking ball than see a time lapse of you growing a human. That may seem insensitive, but, really you are being insensitive for broadcasting your creepy bellies to all the world. #keepaway.
WHAT if I just took a picture everyday of my regular stomach from different, unattractive angles? Wouldn’t that be swell? NO it wouldn’t. Just like we don’t like to see people flouncing around in their teeny weenie biknis, we do not want to see your stomach painted as a basketball. #aintnobodywannaseethat
June 23 — “So today is actually July 23…hmm”
Rainy day, using my big golf umbrella that a family of 4 could fit under.
I dreamed I kissed Justin Bebier and I knew, he knew, my breath smelt bad.
(Insert epic terrible MBTA rant that if transcribed, would be rated NC 17+ #wecanthavethat #savethechildren )
Today it rained, again. (Does a comma go there? I don’t understand commas.) ANYWAYS, my fellow Somervillians or what I like to call them, Villians….were glaring at me as I walked down the street with my massive umbrella. I understand I look like I should be on the golf course, but, get over it! Girl wants to stay dry! #curlyhairproblems
August 19th – Deep Thoughts on the MTBA commuter rail
I literally hate B.O. why is B.O real? Bitches who have B.O need to reconsider their life choices.
I hope I don’t lose my job because of this. BUT. If I do I think I could survive off bread, butter, PBR, and cheap coffee. Actually, I wouldn’t make a good homeless person, I have too much junk from the Goodwill. How many homeless hoarders do you know? Not too many. #needmyjob
August 20th – Pinterest Pot Luck Flounder
7:05 AM – Jello Rolls #Fail
8:30 AM – #Imfired
12:09 PM – Made food only to fail.
12:10 PM – Never make a dish that needs to sit overnight.
August 25th –
Well…apparently I got a bit personal with the “dairy” the past few days and wrote about my weekend. No love sick emotions, but, some crazy adventures that were had. You know when you’re Mom would say “Don’t put anything in writing you wouldn’t say” Well…some of my life should be written down, so when I am old and feeble, I can think “Damn, I was fun”.
Currently the “Dairy” is being held hostage in the trunk of a car next to a half of a 30 rack of PBR. #dairyfail