Flat Abs, Great Butt ..Wait, What!?

Oops I did it again, I bought a fitness magazine. Below, see the lady in figure 1. This magazine is like no other, in that, it promises a Barbie doll body in JUST 20 minutes. Who knew Price Chopper would hold all of the secrets!

The bitch in Figure 1.

mag-cover

I HAD to purchase this magazine. You can say I am a lot like Tai from Clueless,

“Cher, I don’t want to do this anymore. And my buns: they don’t feel nothin’ like steel.” – Tai

I can be very skeptic and impatient when I work out. Who wants to wait 3 months for results? I thought I would give up, but then I found this magazine. For a whopping $4.00, I get the inside scoop on:

  • Flat abs and a great butt. Who doesn’t want to tighten and tone the buns? Here is what piqued my interest… IN JUST 20 MINUTES!
  • I can look Ah-ma-zing. Very valuable beauty tips for the girls who need to play a lot of night games like Marla Hoosh.
  • Energy! Tricks for all day energy!!!!! I am so excited, I am so excited, I am SO SCARED!!!!
  • FUN WAYS TO PLAY! Fun ways to get exercise… I didn’t think that would EVER be possible. Mind blown.
  • Guilt free snacks! Talk about Yumm-ma-zing. If there are two words that should be molded together, it’s guilt and snack…but then I saw, free! Shut the front door.
  • Torch the fat without going to the gym. If this involves a blow torch, I want everything to do with it. Literally, melt the fat away.
  • And finally, lose the weight. Oh, but it gets better…without HATING LIFE! I would like to know more about this, I tend to love my life when eating a glazed stick (that’s what she said) from Dunkin Donuts.

Do these topics look too good to be true or what!? I believe them… just as much as I believe the bitch in figure 1 isn’t Photoshopped. Don’t get me wrong, a big part of me wants to believe this is all true; which is the same big part of me that gets larger at the same rate as my candy consumption. One of these days, I am going to Photoshop a models head on my body with the title of magazine being….

 

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