Humans on a Train

The other day I found myself on the commuter rail people watching (as I normally do). I realized there are many train stereotypes that I must reveal to the public. I feel this is a topic a lot of my fellow city folk can relate to.

Deaf by Earbud
The human who decides they need to listen to their music at max volume. “Hey man, I can feel the vibrations from your headphones….oh, and Vanessa Carlton, 1,000 Miles is a favorite of mine too.” If I wanted to listen to music with you I WOULD, BUT I DON’T, hence why I keep glaring at you with a mighty rage.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE a good air guitar/drum solo and lip syncing session. When you feel it, yah FEEL it #getitgirl. But, I don’t need to hear your tunes. No one wants to. We don’t think you’re cool or trendy because you’re listening to Aviccii (Google it). #yournot

Lower it down! You are going to be deaf by the age of 34 if you keep that crap up. You will also be a lonely person, because no one will want to sit with you.

Bag Friend
I believe that if you put your bag on the seat then you should be forced to buy a ticket for your little friend. MOVE YOUR SHIT. You are not special and NO ONE WANTS TO SIT WITH YOU ANYWAYS, but ya know what… TOO BAD, As my boy LUDA said “MOVE BITCH, GET OUT THE WAY”. #ineedtocalmdown

The Food Eater
Every time someone brings food on the train I like to play a little game. “Guess that stank!”, is it Tacos, Scrimp Scampi, Hot Wings, Sweet and Sour chicken? Oh no….it’s a tuna fish sandwich. #asshole

Oh tuna….You chose a tuna sandwich to mow down on while on the train? I don’t care how hungry you are, bite your finger nails, suck on a lolly, drink water, but, DO NOT bring a 4 course meal with you on the train. Just like no one wants to sit with you, no one wants to smell your food. There is nothing worse then getting off the train and smelling of stale farts! #yanasty

Acceptable Train Foods

  • A granola bar

Unacceptable Train Foods

  • Popcorn (well I hate popcorn so this is always unacceptable)

The College Student
This particular type of train traveler is the most popular; they surround you. There are more students on the train than 12 year olds at a One Direction concert. They all sit together. That’s cool they’re friends, I get that; but you see they all talk like they are reading Shakespeare.

These College folk use overly complex sentence structures and vocabulary for a casual conversation. I am not saying they should sound uneducated, but less like they are giving a State of the Union address and more of their evening plans. Get over yourself. Also, they get to wear jeans every day. #jelly

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