Awkward Touching (Part I)

The word “touching” is uncomfortable for everyone, even for a massage therapist. When unintentional touching happens, you allow that white elephant to bust into your personal space like a Dental Hygienist. That white elephant is a bitch, but you must embrace the invasion and handle it like the adult you are, allow me to guide you.

Accidental Hand Holding
When walking with a co-worker or acquaintance, you both are gallantly swinging your arms to a meeting and then it happens; both of your hands interlock mid-swing.

You are one of those people who hates hugging relatives, never mind hold a strangers hand. When someone gives you a high-five, you make a fist and “pound it” #HowieMendel.

You could do one of the following:

  1. Apologize and say, “Sorry about that”
  2. OR! To your stranger’s surprise, you grab that hand tight and without saying a word you start skipping with a huge grin on your face. All while holding that very unfamiliar hand.

Leg Touching
You’re in a work meeting, staring at a computer, going over serious business and then someone’s foot rubs against your leg. If it was your lucky day, the other person will think they hit the desk leg, but that doesn’t happen. You see, when someone touches your leg unexpectedly, you look down at your leg. The other person figures out it was your leg and says, “I’m sorry! I kicked you”.

Your response:

  1. A simple “It’s Ok”
  2. OR! You say “Oh, heyyy you wanna play footsies with me!?”

Depending on the length of the leg rub and if it’s the CEO of the company, I would go for 1 but if you feel it was a bit invasive, 2 would suffice. In the end, they touched you..not vise versa.

The Cheek Kiss
This is my nightmare. For close relatives that don’t get a hug but get a cheek kiss. This is when people shift their whole mouth to one side and pucker up, attempting you kiss your cheek. The only time this goes terribly, is when you have the SAME cheek kiss idea as the other person and go in the SAME direction! You then, end up finding each other’s lips and holy awkward.

This once happened to me with an Uncle, and I am very sorry to those who live south of the Mason-Dixon line, but kissing my Uncle on the lips is just not for me. So, what the hell do you do with that? I have no idea. I got nothing. That is some serious awkward touching that I can’t escape.

THE ONLY thing I can think of, is to pretend it never even happened and go in for the hug next time…and every time.

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