Flatulence: The Great Debate

“Men fart way more than Women”- says everyone

That statement couldn’t be any more false than my 90-year old Grandfather’s teeth. We all eat the same things, we accumulate the same amount of fumes. I come from a gassy family, two brothers who took farting to another level, so this topic does not scare me. Am I less of a lady for discussing the nature of tooting? No, I am keeping it real..

Females Fart
There isn’t anything else to it, but there is a significant difference between how Men and Women choose to handle this sensation. Below is an explanation of the way a Man handles gas compared to a Woman:

Man: Love to publicize it. It’s always made out to be an amazing event every time they feel the mighty bubble in their butt.

Woman: Gracefully seek an empty restroom to expel, end of discussion.

Man: A dutch oven consists of releasing vile fumes under the bed covers and pulling the blankets over your girlfriends head. Resulting in suffocation, crying and a possible break-up.

Woman: A dutch oven is a cast iron cooking pot preferably from Williams-Sonoma, and only that.

Man: Feel the need to sit on a person’s lap and let one go, run away and laugh.

Woman: Run away from people to let one go, involving no one.

Man: “Must of been the beans…”

Woman: No comment.

Man: Squints one eye, lifts a leg, points a finger and says “Did you hear that?!? LOL LOL LOL”

Woman: Positions her tush in a way no one can hear a sound, not even a seeing eye dog.

Man: “OMG That was rancid” in referring to the release of his silent but deadly.

Woman: Knows when to hold ’em and respects a person’s gag reflex.

If you don’t feel any of the above are valid points, you are a better person than I am; in the meantime, let’s agree to disagree and finally clear the air… literally.

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