When you become an adult, you gain responsibilities; like paying bills, living on your own, and getting a job. You finally feel like the awkward teenage days are over and you have become a mature and successful individual. Then one day you wake up, you look in the mirror, and see a giant zit on your face. You think, “what the F—?! I thought we were done with this!”. Continue reading
“My name is Chatty Awkward and I am a sugarholic.”
Wow, that felt good to come clean about. I have been in and out of sugar detox since I was 6. Every day I read how sugar is poison, well I don’t exactly read it…my cellulite tells me that every morning. I am sure I am painting a great picture of myself but fear not, this Chatty aint no fatty. I work out really hard to be able to eat my fun dip and fit into my pajama jeans. Continue reading
Last week was my birthday and I turned 348 months, that is 29 in years. It probably took you a while to figure out my age. Well, now you know how I feel when a mother tells me her child is 20 months old. “So, what you are really saying is your child is almost 2” This is what I tell myself. Why is it so hard to just say your child is a year and a half or 2 years old? Continue reading
I wish I had blurred vision during your VMA’s performance. I will never be able to unsee Miley’s face or your Beetlejuice outfit. You are a 36 year old man with a gorgeous wife and son, yet you think it was a good decision for a 21 year old to “twerk” on you. What the eff, Robin… Continue reading
In 1984, Bruce Springsteen sung about dancing in the dark, Bruce really knew what he was talking about because I wholeheartedly agree dancing in the dark is the ONLY way to dance. There is no greater awkwardness than when you go to a daytime wedding and people want you on the dance floor. I have been known to make a fool of myself on the dance floor, which is why people want to watch me dance. My sultry moves was learned from my parents and of course Stephanie Tanner from Full House.
I hate dancing with the lights on because Continue reading
The sounds of my alarm going off at 4:50 AM every morning is equivalent to the sounds to Kourtney Kardashian’s voice, unbearably annoying. As I hit the snooze button EVERY morning, I think to myself “Just five more minutes” and every morning I make broken promises to myself that I would wake up in five minutes.
Forty-five minutes goes by and there I am, Continue reading